A Prince should act with dignity, not cut ungainly capers,

Unless he wants his manhood to appear in all the papers.

Such was the case with Harry, who cavorted just for fun,

And whose weapons-grade equipment duly showed up in the Sun.

It was awful, it was horrid, it was not the kind of tone

That the Murdoch press expected of a chip from off the Throne.

But now he's back from serving in a lovely bit of war –

And how the tabloids' tone has changed from what has gone before!

A helicopter pilot may by hazard come a-cropper,

When partying in Vegas, by the flashing of his chopper.

But journalists forgive a Royal taking off his togs,

If he should go to Asia and blow up sufficient wogs.

© Philip Challinor, 2013

 Harry the Hero

http://www.thecurmudgeonly.blogspot.com

Mhttp://www.lulu.com/spotlight/challinor07

Hello, the week seems to have ended with a lot of snow, I hope it's not affected our readers too much. This week we began with The Season Ends by Amy Barry. It was a very sad and moving poem and quite powerful about a fifteen year old girl who had committed suicide after being tormented in school over sex rumours. It was a complicated story of sadness and cruelty and I'm reminded of the final, short stanza: 'Her body / found hanging / from the maple tree, / in winter.'

Suicide was a recurring theme as another story popped up, this time in the military as combat lessens. Show Me Something I've Seen Before by David Mellor was published on Tuesday. It shows us a kind of torment with being in the military and not fighting, which seems to create a psychological torment and shows someone to wishing to see their normal life, 'Something I've seen before, me and Steve growing up in the candy store.'

Fellow Poetry24 editor, Abigail Wyatt was published on Wednesday with Proper Love. It's a thought-provoking poem about the 56 year old British woman who was sentenced to death in Bali for cocaine smuggling. The poem questions the way we judge and the decisions we make. The ideas of right and wrong and crime and punishment.

Royal Pardon on Thursday, written by Philip Challinor, was a satirical approach to the tabloid stories about Prince Harry. It references the naive and immature actions Prince Harry did in the past and the negative press he gained from it, but then the change in opinion about him, to forgive him, when he joined the army, 'Go to Asia and blow up sufficient wogs.' I suppose this wasn't about Harry and what he's done in his life, but about the silly, fickle tabloid journalists who really only write about their own agendas.

Clare Kirwan returned to Poetry24 on Friday when we published The Moses of Elephants. This was about the baby elephant that died in the BBC show Africa and David Attenborough defended it, saying it was a natural tragedy. The poem is filled with religious imagery and almost sanctifies the elephant in question, showing that the elephant's death was indeed natural and, in a sense, beautiful, and there was never any need to complain about it.

Finally, we published Prisoner at Home by Katie Beviss to end the week. The news story was about Palestinians who threatened to sue Israel over settlements. The poem is very powerful and interesting from the first line: 'The man at no.3 has been taken prisoner.' I particularly liked the use of Hebrew '"מתים המהלכים"' to read 'The Walking Dead.'

Remember to keep submitting to us at poetry24@hotmail.com and tell your friends about us. You can like us on Facebook on our Poetry24 page.

Hope you've all had a good week and have better one to follow.

Michael.

So now we're rid of Tony's nasty chum,
See freedom beckon! Look, we've blitzed your way!
What? Preferential treatment? Oh, come come!
The civilised do not do things that way.
What's that? A drop of cheap petroleum?
One for the road, indeed? Well, I won't say
No to a tipple, if you're having some.

© Philip Challinor

UK trade minister begins business talks in Libya
-----------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

Alas, the proles again have let us down!
We still have failed to make our message clear.
They sit at home, or vandalise the town -
Why can they not get out and volunteer?
Alas for chavs unworthy of our vision!
Societally small, they cannot see
That we intend to stick with our decision
And stay on course for Maggie's million three.

© Philip Challinor

David Cameron under pressure to soften hardline deficit strategy
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

We were not like those criminals at all.
To say so is offensive and inane.
Our gang was most exclusive and quite small -
When we got drunk, we did it on champagne.

One can't compare with Bullingdons and banks:
These rioters, I think, were simpler folk.
We had few coloured people in our ranks,
And rarely had to pay for what we broke.

Our antics were mere foolishness and fun:
No symptoms there of morals in collapse.
We all commit some follies when we're young,
But only some of us need take the raps.

Above all, we grew up to give our names
To propaganda sprogs and trophy wives;
And now we have our stake in greater games,
And play Monopoly with smaller lives.

© Philip Challinor

Bullingdon Club antics were nothing like the riots, says Cameron
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

They lie at every level, and persist
Even when caught. Their style abrades
With harsh attacks and verbal ambuscades.
They're not your smooth US diplomatist.

Defiance is their thing, and this has meant
Much nastiness and some non-sequitur.
They fail to understand that we prefer
Our lying, thieving brutes subservient.

© Philip Challinor

Why the WikiLeaks cable about Syrian regime is spot on
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

Come join us, for we love you; you are many.
No other party offers rates like this.
Come join us; let us help you spend a penny.
You have our word we will not take the piss.

We are no longer Halliburton's poodles;
We're not the ones who sent you to Iraq.
Come join us in your regiments and oodles -
We need your help to get our numbers back.

Come join us, for the Tories do not love you.
They're not your friends as they have oft been billed.
Come join us; we're your equals, not above you.
We want your wisdom, if you've not been killed.

© Philip Challinor

Labour party to offer military veterans membership for 1p
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

"Go, hack a phone!" I never said it,
And to conceive me with such guilt
May cause a nasty bit of wilt
In credulous employees' credit.

The right-hand path: I'll always tread it.
The red-tops' red-top stunna, me!
The Murdochs' holy company:
I'll lead it as I've always led it.

You see, I was just there to edit.
The Guardian may lead the fools on -
I'm innocent as Andy Coulson!
News of the World? I hardly read it.

© Philip Challinor

Rebekah Brooks: 'It's inconceivable I knew of Milly Dowler phone hacking'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

What a blinder our Nicky has played!
What courage and vim he's displayed!
He's kept a cool head
And made us our bed -
If we just cuddle up we'll be made!

Our ratings have taken a dive,
While Nicky helps Davey to thrive!
What a coup! what a stroke
For our thrusting wee bloke!
If we're lucky we may just survive!

We may not have got our AV,
For Dave's not as cuddly as we;
But at least we can change
The boundaries' range
And get more constituency!

What's this? have we taken this beating
And tarnished our glory so fleeting,
For Nicky to pander
To Dave's gerrymander
And lose us a fourth of our seating?

Our finances look a bit frayed;
Our councillors all have been flayed.
From the tuition fees
To the child-prison freeze,
What a blinder our Nicky has played!

© Philip Challinor

Philip's Blog
Philip's Books

You teenagers all rampant in your hoods,
Take heed of Life; beware your hormones' urge.
Stack shelves in Tesco's; sublimate the surge.
It's market-time: don't give away the goods.

Our hopes become increasingly forlorn
Of keeping errant sperm from meeting egg;
And so we suffer Cameron and Clegg,
Because some bloody fools let them be born.


© Philip Challinor

Coalition appoints pro-abstinence charity to sexual health forum

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

Then I came out of university (which, it has proved,
Our modern poor are better off without); and then I moved
Into a safe seat which I duly won,
And sold my vote for half a decade - so
You see, I'm not the looser sort of gun,
But tight - as tight as tight can be, you know -
And then I was a Minister of sorts,
And met my dearest friends, like you of course.

My major talent? Networking, I'd say,
And understanding people. I am good
With coloured folk and know the public mood,
For politics will help one in that way.
I also manage well and multitask.
My temper is industrious and sunny.
As in Whitehall, I'll do just what you ask,
Because you pay an awful lot of money.


© Philip Challinor

Former Labour ministers rushing to take private sector jobs

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

Don't wave your order papers this time, chaps;
Though triumph tempt you, do not cheer and yelp.
These are not merely poor folk, but the help:
They may be stupid, but they're useful saps.

Though victory be sweet, don't gloat in it.
Remember that the future will be blue,
And make me seem a statesman fine and true
Instead of just a nasty little squit.

© Philip Challinor

AV and local elections: don't gloat in public, triumphal Tories told
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

If not enough of you should drown in mud
To fossilise and let the future know
That you were here, when finally the blood
And flesh of earth is clean of you? E'en so,
Fear not oblivion, for we shall wait
And of your glowing glories testify
To future insects curious of your fate.
Vast as your poisons, we shall never die.

© Philip Challinor

Nuclear waste: Keep out – for 100,000 years
------------------------------------------------------
Philip blogs at 'The Curmudgeon' - He insists, "You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry." Philip is the author of a number of books.

"Love your foe," enjoined the Saviour,
Who foresaw not this misbehaviour.

He scorned idolatry, and thus
His image is a cult with us.

We tolerate the Jews and Druids
But draw the line at body fluids.

However peaceable our mission,
We must crusade at micturition.

© Philip Challinor

Attack on 'blasphemous' art work fires debate on role of religion in France

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weblog: http://www.thecurmudgeonly.blogspot.com
Books: http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=929514

We don't want to punish the poor;
George Osborne's no Bullingdon boor;
Duncan Smith is a wit,
Boris Johnson's no twit,
And up is the way to the floor.

Down and out? Have no fear; you'll be fine.
Don't worry, don't whinge and don't whine.
Be eager to please
And pay the right fees,
And you'll fly in a skyful of swine.


© Philip Challinor

Government admits Jobcentres set targets to take away benefits
-----------------------------------------------------------------

My Weblog: http://www.thecurmudgeonly.blogspot.com
My Books: http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=929514

Though times are hard, decisions tough,
Enough can sometimes be enough.
We all have breaking points, you know -
A duck unhoused, a servant slow;
Or taxes constituting theft
Of hard-earned loot that Daddy left;
And if there is one single thing
That really chaps my sphincter-ring,
It is the thought of lower races
Who simply do not know their places.
Their accents odd, their clothing raggy,
Haunting the ruins left by Maggie,
They live like duchesses and kings
On benefits or some such things;
And even those who do not shirk
Do strange and useless types of work.
Why, for example, should one teach
More than the rudiments of speech
To little oiks who'll get themselves
A cushy number stacking shelves?
And is it really fair that I,
My chubby cheeks and old school tie,
Must needs put up, day in, day out,
With northern folk who fly about?

© Philip Challinor

Oliver Letwin 'makes Sheffield family holiday jibe'

My Weblog: http://www.thecurmudgeonly.blogspot.com
My Books: http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=929514

As Davey and Will did their thuggery
And George sat and smirked in his smuggery,
The Office for Art
Did its humble wee part,
And cut British culture to buggery.

© Philip Challinor

Arts Council funding decision day: as it happened
------------------------------------------------------------
Weblog: The Curmudgeon - You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry.
Books: Philip Challinor's Books

Ol' Davey's a chubby-cheeked cowboy
And the common folks all love a war;
Teach them Ayrabs a lesson right now, boy
And show 'em respect for the law.

Them Ayrabs was fussin' and sassin'
They showed no respect for the Man;
While the Chinks and the Rooskies was gassin',
Ol' Dave had to do what he can.

The Colonel was shootin' and foamin'
And poundin' folks into the sand;
Till Dave moseyed out of the gloamin'
And showed where the righteous folks stand.

Ol' Dave wasn't one for the throwin'
Of stones that was first to be cast;
But a man's gotta make a good showin',
So he give all them Ayrabs a blast.

Ol' Davey he done did the doin's,
The Colonel was righteously vexed;
Them Ayrabs they stood in the ruins
Sayin' what the hell do we do next?

Them Ayrabs they now are confessin'
This ain't an ideal situation,
But ol' Davey's taught 'em a lesson:
Don't let cowboys build you a nation.

© Philip Challinor

Libya: military action necessary, legal and right, says David Cameron
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Weblog: The Curmudgeon - You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry.
Books: Philip Challinor's Books

Iraq disarmed? O say it isn't so!
Friend Curveball, we're not mad but disappointed.
If only we had known the things you know,
George Bush and poodle Blair, the Lord's anointed,
Might never have embarked on their crusade
To cleanse of terror your oil-troubled lands.
Friend Curveball, all those stories that you made
Have left you with much blood upon your hands.

We wanted our ex-ally's reign to cease;
There's no denying he'd become erratic.
And so we fibbed and bullied, bugged and spied;
We've lost count of the miles we went for peace,
To keep your people well and democratic.
Yet, oddly, it was mostly they who died.

© Philip Challinor

Iraqi defector 'Curveball' Janabi denies WMD claims
----------------------------------------------------------------
Weblog: The Curmudgeon - You'll come for the curses. You'll stay for the mudgeonry.
Books: Philip Challinor's Books

The Unmentionable Goodwin

Bank malfunction;
Financial unction;
Superinjunction.

Fred Goodwin gets superinjunction to stop him being called a banker

© Philip Challinor

-----------------------------------------------------------

An ODEar

Strange days, these cheddarheads, we have seen.
Our Governor rules with iron fist,
A heart of stone, he's kind of mean.
Like Santy Claus, he's made a list,
Intends to make the teachers pay.
Refuses to budge, a mulish badger,
Dictatorship runs the day,
Thinks unions filled with artful cadgers.
Walker sidles with the money makers,
A broken state, how do we fix?
He's forgotten the movers, the middle class shakers,
Seems all we do is throw stones and sticks

The children pay,
Isn't that the way?

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker Readies National Guard Against Unions

© Thingy