Author's note: Sung, of course, to the tune of ‘Deck the Halls . . .’

Hail! The annual bourgeois spendfest!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, the cash tills ring –
Time to bloat your children’s toy chest!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, the cash tills sing –

Hark! You’ll hear now
Christmas ditties;
– jing-a-ling, have a sing, while you shop –
In the mood for
yuletide pretties?
– jing-a-ling-a-ling, so buy the lot –


Hit the mall and grab a trolley!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, you’re welcome in –
Tis the time to spend your lolly!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, see Santa grin –

A.T.M. won’t
give more cash out?
– boo-hoo-hoo! What to do? Tell you what . . . –
Punch your pin and
max your card out!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, we’ll take the lot –


Hear the Sally Army playing.
– boom-de-rum-te-bum, de-dum-crash-tum! –
“Pennies for the poor,” they’re saying.
– boom-a-bang-a-thrum, de-too-tle-tum! –

Salve your conscience
with some copper
– rat-a-tat, look at that, fifty p! –
But spend your pounds in here, dear shopper!
ching-a-ching-a-ching
Thank God we’re free!

© Anthony Baverstock

Holidays Arrive Early With The "Christmas ...
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Anthony Baverstock is from Colchester, reputed home of Humpty-Dumpty.

© Anthony Baverstock

Author's note: As talismans like this were believed to prevent and cure disease, I thought this form would be an appropriate one in which to construct a kind of acrostic-cum-pattern poem about human ingenuity and endeavour in the current fight against HIV-AIDS. 

Online gamers crack AIDS enzyme puzzle
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Anthony Baverstock is from Colchester, reputed home of Humpty-Dumpty.

1 – 9 – 7 – 0h,
over forty years ago,
Thomas Forcade threw a pie,
walloped Otto, porno guy.

Shortly after, Aron Kay
splattered Bryant, anti-gay,
Andy Warhol,
Captain Kirk –
pieing in the sky.

‘Save the planet’ Keith was smacked,
‘Stuff the planet’ Clarkson, whacked;
pies are flying left and right,
off the planet, David Icke.

Charlie Colson, Watergate;
Calvin Klein, but by mistake;
Carl XVI, the Swedish king;
Jeffrey Skilling (meant for him).

    We didn’t start the pie fight,
       but you’ll know you’re busted
      when you taste the custard.
    We didn’t start the pie fight –
      Well, perhaps we mighta,
      just to spite you blighter.

Bernard-Henri Lévy thought
thinking men should not be caught;
Horowitz was not amused,
similarly disabused.

David Shayler, British spy,
custard in his prying eye;
Movie-maker Godard laughed,
pie’s arrest defused.

Milton Friedman paid the price;
Emma Thompson: “Very nice.”
Rambo took it like a man;
Mocha pie for Moynihan.

One Canuck against G.M.
pied the P.M., Chrétien;
William Henry Gates the Third,
facial-creamed in Belgium.

    Whee! Did you see the pie fly?
      Don’t behave too snobby,
      or become too cocky.
    Whee! When you see the pie fly,
      better grin and bear it,
      cos you’re gonna wear it.

Guru Maharaj Ji’s god –
Why not stop the flying glob?
Was it written in the stars?
Ditto Father Léonard’s.

Parizeau and Péladeau,
Pettigrew and Duchesneau
Yankee’s fielder Swisher twice,
thrice is on the cards.

Widdecombe and Mandelson;
Messianic Vorilhon;
Comic artist Tommy Yune;
Politician Pim Fortuyn.

Clair Short. Allan Rock.
Willie Brown. Murdoch.
World Bank Wolfenson.
Still the list goes on and on . . .

    Who’s gonna stop the pie fight?
      Everybody in it’s
      clearly out to win it.
    Who doesn’t love a pie fight,
      a bit of hue and cry
      and seeing custard fly and fly and fly . . . ?

© Anthony Baverstock


Phone hacking: Man charged over Murdoch pie protest
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Anthony Baverstock is from Colchester, reputed home of Humpty-Dumpty.

Rising Tide

The bully built a castle, little castle made of sand,
And he built it on the seashore where the water laps the land.
How the children of the village cheer, a mighty awesome din,
As his castle walls are flattened by the tide a-rolling in.

© Anthony Baverstock

Where the Arab spring will end is anyone's guess

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Anthony Baverstock is from Colchester, home of Humpty-Dumpty, which might help explain his curiosity about nursery rhymes.
Anthony says: I've started to become interested in how nursery rhymes throughout history have been used to encode and convey news and opinion. It is in this 'tradition' that I wrote the rhyme below about the Arab Spring

Saturday Challenge

We'll be setting the occasional Saturday Challenge, and for this first one, we'd like you to send us a new nursery rhyme on a topical theme. Entries must be sent in (to the email addresses in the submission guide above) by noon (GMT) next Friday 24th June. We'll publish the best and the winner will receive a copy of 'Off the Wall Comic Verse Anthology'.