I was at my Mac

finishing off the front cover.

I thought it was one of my best.

The boss leaned over my shoulder.

'The Prince. Take him out.'



I said, 'Isn't that treason?

Remember the Tower of London.'

But he was reapplying his nicotine patch

And didn't hear me.

He's not one for jokes these days.



'Lose him,' he said,

sitting on the edge of my desk

so I could smell his stress.

'I don't know what she saw in him anyway.

Bald as a newborn's arse or what?'



I said, 'I can't erase the future monarch

from his wedding photo.

It would kill my mother.

She's bought plates and everything

and watches the DVD every Sunday.'



He was checking his watch.

'11.30,' he said. 'Time for my lunch.

Just do her a new arm

where he used to be.

And tidy up the waistline a bit.'



At the door he turned.

'Ah, second thoughts?' I said.

'Thinking of your knighthood?'



'You cock up that lace,' he said,

'and you can start ringing Mr Sainsbury.'



© Fran Hill



Grazia admits digitally slimming Kate Middleton photo

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Fran lives in the West Midlands (UK). She teaches English in a local secondary school, writes, performs, blogs, tweets and tries to resist chocolate.

One day this lovely lass,
May launch a hundred ships.
The world will keep a watch
On what goes to her hips.

That smile could turn for south
When paparrazi press for shots
But now, this bride -to-be
Enjoys the ride with no pit-stops.

The sapphire ring's gone viral;
Her gown will get knocked off.
So far, no downward spiral;
All in good time, (I mustn't scoff).

Some think she is a vision-
New model—right for queen.
Her face is everywhere-
It's captured in a jelly bean!


Kat Mortensen©2011

Bride-to-be in a bean: Kate Middleton's face spotted in sweet

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Kat is a Canadian poet, and the author of 'Shadowstalking'.